What happens when two strangers are dropped into a typical American home — no food, no power, no pants?
In this satirical pilot episode of Naked and Afraid: Home Edition, contestants Melinda and Josh brave expired orange juice, cat fleas, polyester sheets, and the return of a college dropout with a fragile ego. It’s a battle of endurance, hives, and questionable choices — all narrated with the ominous tone of a nature documentary.
You’ll never look at a thermostat — or a can of sardines — the same way again.
Series Pilot: NAKED AND AFRAID – HOME EDITION
NARRATOR: Two strangers, a man and a woman, both naked, meet for the first time in the empty home of people unknown to them. They must survive for 21 days in this alien environment, using only the resources available to them… naked and afraid!
JOSH: 37, real estate broker, Cleveland, Ohio.
Strengths: poaching eggs. Can tie a Windsor knot. Ironing. Primitive Survival Rating: 2.6
MELINDA: 34, Clerk at Hobby Lobby, Decatur, Illinois. Strengths: Flower arranging, parallel parking, card tricks. Primitive Survival Rating: 2.9
SETTING: A subdivision in the San Fernando Valley, California DAY ONE
Each contestant, in a taxi, looks around curiously as the car moves through the unfamiliar neighborhood. Josh’s car stops in front of a modest bungalow, and he emerges from the vehicle.
Josh: (Removing his suit and tossing it into the back seat of the cab) Here goes nothin’!
Stepping gingerly across the hot sidewalk, he heads into the house.
Josh: Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch ouch!
Moments later, Melinda’s taxi arrives, and she steps onto the sidewalk. A boy on a bicycle passing by on the opposite side of the street glances at her as she strips. The boy crashes into a mailbox.
NARRATOR: Currently unoccupied, nine-two-nine Willow Street is the home of a married couple in their early forties, who are on a fall foliage tour back east. (image of a tourist couple, pointing at colorful trees). They have one son, who is off at
college, a two-hour drive away. (image of slacker youth playing beer pong) To soothe their loneliness, the couple care for several feral cats in the neighborhood. (image of scrawny cats prowling through bushes) Cats can carry deadly rabies, cat scratch
fever, and toxoplasmosis, which is a very scary sounding illness.
Melinda enters the home and looks around a darkened room. A cat slinks in behind her and hides behind a curtain.
NARRATOR: To save energy during their absence, the homeowners have turned off the water heater. The lights are off as well, and the curtains are drawn. There is no air conditioning, and at this time of year, interior temperatures can reach as high as ninety degrees, plunging to below sixty at night.
In the kitchen, Josh searches for a light switch, but gives up in frustration. He opens the refrigerator, looks inside, and slams the door.
Josh: So thirsty….
Josh takes the lid off of a jug of orange juice and chugs it, then gags. Then he hears a door SLAM, and freezes.
Melinda: (calling) Hello!
Josh enters, brandishing a broom as a weapon. When he sees who it is, he sets down the broom and indicates the small broken window in the door.
Melinda: Hello, naked person! (she extends her hand) I’m Melinda. Josh: Josh!
Tentatively, they hug, then scan the surroundings. Melinda spots two small burlap bags dangling from the mantel. The couple cross toward them.
Melinda: Let’s see what we’ve got!
Josh: Hmm. (reaching into his bag) A remote control.
He jabs it at the TV, to no effect. Melinda takes the device from him and flips it over.
Melinda: No batteries.
Josh: Damn. I didn’t wanna miss the playoffs.
Rolling her eyes, Melinda reaches into her bag and removes a sheet of paper, and a spatula. She examines the spatula.
Melinda: Whoa. I’m vegan… haven’t eaten fried food for, maybe, two years.
Josh: My cholesterol is, like, through the roof. I looked in the fridge, too… and… it smelled horrible.
NARRATOR: Mold from unpreserved food can cause gastro-intestinal illnesses, and even crippling nervous disorders. I think.
Josh: I drank some of the orange juice though… and I feel a little woozy!
NARRATOR: Fermented orange juice contains alcohol, a powerful depressant which… well, it’s obvious.
Melinda: (seeming to hear the narrator) Maybe there’s some canned food. Josh: (slurring, but with stalwart resolve) This is about survival.
Melinda: Right. (unfolding the paper) Okay! We have a floorplan.
Both study the paper.
Josh: I’m still thirsty.
Melinda: But first, we should find a place to sleep. (Glancing at the floorplan) Bedrooms are this way.
Josh nods his agreement. He can barely walk as they cross to the hallway. In the bedroom, we see the cat sprawled across the bed. Close up, we SEE fleas jumping onto the bedspread. Extreme close up of a flea.
NARRATOR: Cats carry fleas, known throughout history to transmit disease,
including the black plague, which wiped out thirty percent of the global population in the 14th century.
Hearing the two approach, the cat jumps off the bed and hides underneath. Josh opens the door and stubs his toe on the door frame. His face contorting in pain, he hops on one foot.
Melinda: You okay?
Josh: (through gritted teeth) I don’t know. I think I broke my toe! (massaging his toe) Hello, little piggy! You okay, buddy?
Melinda looks on, dismayed, then pulls back a coverlet and brushes her hand on the sheets. She pulls back her hand in alarm.
Melinda: Polyester! I’ll get hives, for sure.
Josh: (pointing to the map) Looks like there’s another room here!
NARRATOR: Although he’s away at school, the boy’s room has been left untouched, to teach him a lesson about taking care of his things.
Josh enters the second bedroom. The bed is unmade. Dirty clothes are strewn
everywhere. Sports gear—including a flat basketball—litters the room. From the hallway, Melinda pokes her head in, looks around, and nearly retches.
NARRATOR: Bacteria, including deadly MRSA, can live for weeks on damp clothing. The tiny spores can be inhaled, causing severe lung damage.
Melinda: The stench! I can’t go in there!
She slams the door, plunging the room into darkness.
Josh: (searching for the door) Melinda! Hey!
The door cracks open, and Melinda’s hand finds the light switch. Josh breathes a sigh of relief, then pulls the door open wide and rushes toward Melinda.
Josh: Thank god! (slurring) You’re amazing! (he tries to calm himself, and fails)
Look, I don’t know if I can take this! (he glances back into the bedroom) The clutter, the lack of organizitio… o-o-organing… oratiaation… ORDER… I’m a very orderly person. And that play-off, it’s Ohio State and Michigan! I mean… I mean…
Melinda: No, Josh! No!
Suddenly, Josh vomits
Josh: I’m gonna have to tap out!
A producer enters and drapes a space blanket over the now shivering Josh’s shoulders. They exit. Melinda, alone, looks down the hallway and starts to cry.
NARRATOR: (standing beside Melinda, who registers alarm as he speaks) With
Josh’s departure, Melinda faces the prospect of surviving alone for twenty-one days, at which time she will have to make her way to the extraction point, across the backyard, strewn with broken glass remaining from a raucous party the college-age boy had on the night his parents left.
DAY 2:
Night-vision footage as Melinda tosses and turns, scratches the hives and flea bites boiling up on her skin.
DAY 7:
Canned foods arrayed on the kitchen counter, Melinda searches frantically through the drawers.
Melinda: (through gritted teeth) No… can opener!!
With the spatula, she beats on a can of cling peaches, but succeeds only in denting it. She breaks down sobbing. In a cupboard, Melinda is elated to find a tin of sardines.
Melinda: (hopeful, then despairing as she readsthe tin) Expired!
After gathering her resolve, Melinda uses the key attached to the sardine can. Warily, she peels back the lid, then plucks out one of the sardines and grimaces as she chews it, then retches.
NARRATOR: (looking on, in the kitchen) Each sardine has approximately one-hundred forty calories; about the same as two small bananas.
DAY 11:
Late at night, the COLLEGE AGE BOY enters and looks around.
NARRATOR: Unbeknownst to his parents, their son flunked out of college.
Believing they’re away, he has returned to the house. If surprised by the intruder, he may turn violent.
In the bedroom, Melinda hears a noise, looks around worriedly, then hides under the bed.
Boy: (off-screen) Are you here? I didn’t think you’d be back yet! I… um… I had a break, and… I’m… going… back to school now!
Shivering with fear, Melinda listens as the boy searches his room.
NARRATOR: (under the bed, next to Melinda) In a risky move, Melinda tries to imitate the boy’s mother.
Melinda: (taking the cue) Okay honey! Study hard!
A tense moment as Melinda wonders whether the ploy was successful. Finally…
Boy: (OS) I will!
Hearing the SLAM of the door, Melinda crawls out from under the bed, relieved.
Melinda: Not getting any sleep again tonight.
The narrator shakes his head, no.
DAY 14:
NARRATOR: Prolonged loneliness is harmful to mental health, and after two weeks, solitude has taken its toll.
Melinda has found a deck of cards, and has drawn a face on the deflated basketball seen earlier.
Melinda: (talking to the basketball) So, your card was the jack of diamonds, right? (changing to a squeaky voice) That’s right! (from the table, Melinda picks up a folded card and opens it to reveal the jack of diamonds. She speaks with the squeaky voice) That’s amazing!
DAY 17:
In the bathroom, her body covered in welts, Melinda smells under her arms and gags. She turns on the water in the shower and steps in. Standing beside the shower, the narrator steps aside as Melinda enters.
NARRATOR: Melinda doesn’t know how to light the water heater, and only cold water is available, but the need to bathe has become overwhelming. Her skin raw from scratching, she is vulnerable to severe skin infections.
Emerging from the shower, Melinda shivers. In the living room, she rubs her cold skin.
NARRATOR: The body loses heat more quickly when the skin is wet, and dangerous hypothermia can occur in temperatures as low as sixty degrees.
We see the complicated digital thermostat, registering 58 degrees. Melinda presses buttons on the thermostat, but doesn’t know how to operate it. She gives up, then
turns toward the fireplace.
Melinda: (shivering) So… cold!
After a search, Melinda finds the gas key and turns on the gas log. She tries and fails to light a match.
NARRATOR: Unignited natural gas can collect in the fireplace, with the risk of explosion.
Looking over at the narrator with annoyance, Melinda continues striking the match.
Finally, it lights. A ball of flame billows from the fireplace, singeing her hair and eyebrows. Melinda stands and glowers at the narrator.
Melinda: (thrusting her arms into the air victoriously) I have fire! DAY 21:
Narrator: On the last day of the challenge, Melinda faces an arduous journey across the cluttered landscape, strewn with broken glass, to the extraction point. Finally, she must pass through a flimsy gate with a rusty hinge, risking tetanus, also known as lockjaw!
From the back porch, Melinda surveys the overgrown backyard, then steps onto the dry grass. Blinded by the glare of the sun reflecting off a shard of glass, she stumbles into a rickety lawn chair and falls. Brushing herself off, she continues to make her way toward the back gate, but steps on a broken bottle.
Melinda: (plucking a shard of glass from her foot) Why… didn’t…I make some… SHOES?!
The sun beating down on her bare skin, Melinda arrives at the gate and struggles with the hasp. Finally, she manages to inch the gate open—but not before lodging a splinter in her thumb. Grimacing with pain, she removes the splinter, then wrestles open the gate, which nearly collapses on her. Finally, she emerges into the alley, and looks around, exhausted. From the corner, a taxi appears. Jubilant, Melinda jumps up and down and waves at the car, which pulls up beside her. She’s about to open
the door when she spots a jeep headed her way. That’s the extraction vehicle. She waves the taxi off, and summons the extraction car and hops in. The jeep drives away.
NARRATOR: (as clips from the episode play silently) Abandoned by her partner, and suffering from a relentless skin rash, Melinda’s stamina helped her survive three weeks in a hostile environment. Losing sixteen pounds, Melinda exhibited strength and determination, increasing her Primitive Survival Rating from two-
point-nine to three-point-two. Challenged by the return of the owners’ son, she used her imagination to avert danger, which is never far away when you are Naked and Afraid!
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Book Two: In Huttle We Trust
Book Three: Huttle to the Rescue
Book Four: The Pyongyang Paradox
Book Five: Deadlines
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